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Onyx Von Trollenberg
Last Visit: 5 hours ago
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They say that the closer you are to the light, the darker your shadow becomes. That's pretty close to, if not exactly, how I feel every day and the feeling is getting stronger with each passing month. Day. And hour. Those hours that fly by without a care in the world, as if all this time I've been frozen, waiting for my minute to start, and hoping... wishing... I don't miss that minute. Like all I have to do is hit the 'A' button in my mind while the continue screen is counting down the seconds in which I think up a million "what ifs" and weigh the heavy outcomes, but I panic realizing that whatever decision I make there will always be a shadow to go with every light, a death for every life I have left. A consequence to every action. And so... I sit in limbo. Hoping someone will reach down within and pull me up and out.
It's not that I don't appreciate the people who try to help, They are the saviors after all. Just that for every light you turn on, another bulb is closer to blowing. For every door you open, another is closed. So much that we're running out of doors and have started opening windows, but it won't be long before the way out gets smaller and smaller. And just like Alice, soon I won't be able to fit through to escape to Wonderland - - that magical place with no responsibilities. The place everyone remembers from when they were young. The difference now being that responsibility is the key to fit the lock that opens the door to get us there and our freedom to use said key boils down to how much we earn and how much we can pay. But without work there is no pay and without pay there is no freedom. So it's all really just some ridiculous balancing act between what you like and don't like. What you have to do and what you want to do. The light and the shadow. Or the Yin and Yang of all things.